this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
