The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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