A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
