Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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