i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
