Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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