sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize