I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said