Will you blow on my dice?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize