At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.