How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.