Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.