Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
