She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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