May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
