the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
