You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
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Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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