I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
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Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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