watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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