Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we're making bets on your personal life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
