R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
