I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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