you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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