One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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