I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
