shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
