im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The Olympian is in my bed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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