Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
