i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
