I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
