What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
