I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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