I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
