i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize