So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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