That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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