the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize