So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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