Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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