I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
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We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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