I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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