Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
