My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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