we made out on top of his cat.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
