So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
