dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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