Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
