Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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