I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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