It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize