Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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