my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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