I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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