Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
