I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
