Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
