I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
