I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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