No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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