She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
