Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
