My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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