it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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