my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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