If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
