He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
