halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
